Stress and the Past

Sometimes in this blog I’ve written about personal things in my life, hoping that the lessons I’m learning might help others who go through something similar.

This week I’m learning something about stress and the past.

As some of you know, 18 months ago both of my parents died within two days of each other. It was a hugely sad time. But it was 18 months ago. I mourned, I reminisced, I shared stories with others. I moved on (I thought).

This week we are going to Arlington National Cemetery to inter my parents’ ashes. Dad was in the Army, and earned the privilege of burial there with Mom. It’s exciting, but been a hugely stressful time coordinating all of the people and things that need to be at the right place at the right time in order for the service to happen smoothly.

I’m finding myself incredibly emotional—sad and impatient and mourning all over again. The stress of the ceremony has stirred up all the feelings I had when they died, and honestly, all the feelings I had about them throughout my whole life.

So my lesson is this:  Stress doesn’t just affect your here-and-now. Stress wakes up your feelings and losses and memories from the past as well. If, during a really stressful time, you find yourself remembering old losses, feeling angry about something that happened long ago, being anxious like you were during a time of trouble in the past…it’s ok. You’re not losing your mind. You’re not unbalanced.

Everyone feels like this at some point in their lives. It’s not just you.

Stress likes to rattle the cages of old “ghosts” in our lives. But once we recognize what’s happening we can take a deep breath, talk with someone about it for a little bit, and put the ghosts back to bed.

Then we can return our attention to the here-and-now, focus on problem solving and taking care of ourselves and our loved ones, and keep thriving on the farm.