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Last post I wrote a little about grief on top of stress, telling you about what I was learning through the experience of both my parents dying two days apart. Well, I’m still learning, and I thought I’d pass along what I’m finding. It’s humbling—I’m learning that I may know about handling stress, but actually doing it is hard.
As my folks were sick and later when they died I took on a lot of responsibility—coordinating doctors’ visits, hospice care, and then memorial services, closing the estate—all those complicated, sad, and stressful things. People kept asking me how I was doing, to which I always replied “I’m fine, as long as I stay busy.”
But of course, I wasn’t fine. I started to realize this at a pecan production meeting in Berrien County, where Extension had set up free blood pressure screenings. I had my blood pressure taken (mostly to show others how important taking care of your health is) and the nurse looked at me with real concern as she told me my blood pressure was very high—148/102. I was shocked. But of course, not dealing with stress and just staying busy was making me sick.
It took me a couple of weeks to get to the doctor, where sure enough the nurse told me my blood pressure was 145/104. Then the doctor came in. He asked about my parents and their passing, about what I was going through and how I was feeling, and was just a sympathetic listener for five or ten minutes.
Then he took my blood pressure. It was now 135/85.
Talking with someone who just listened made a huge difference in just five minutes.
I knew that talking with someone could help my stress and therefore my blood pressure—but I hadn’t been willing to take the time and be honest with myself and someone else and talk about my stress and sadness. I was too busy being “fine” and staying busy in order to avoid how I felt. I knew better, but I didn’t do better.
So, my lesson from all this, that I’m passing on to you, is that talking to someone isn’t just nice—it can be lifesaving. Just take five minutes and talk with someone you trust about how you’re doing—stress, sadness, worry, whatever is concerning you. It will lower your stress and improve your health. Just talking with someone for five minutes can really help you thrive on the farm.
