Yes, Kids See Your Stress

I was talking with a colleague the other day, and it was very clear that she was struggling with something.  She and her husband have a mid-size farm and grow row crops.  They work really hard and are raising two beautiful children. When I asked what was wrong, this is what she told me:

“My husband is really stressed about this year’s financial outcome for the farm. He’s working 20 hours a day, is anxious and grumpy all the time, and never spends any time with the kids. When I remind him that all his stress is affecting the kids, he denies it. He says he’s hiding his stress just fine, but I know that his stress impacts them. They’ve told me so themselves.  How do I get him to understand?”

That’s a really great question.

In this blog I haven’t talked much about children, but I really should have.  Farm stress affects the entire family, down to the littlest child. A parent’s chronic stress has been linked with a range of problems in children, including anxiety, aggression, and depression. In fact, some research done at UGA shows that a farm father’s stress levels are predictive of farm accidents among the children who work on his farm (You can learn more about this study here.)

So if you think your stress levels don’t affect anyone but you, think again. Children see and pick up on everything, and they can see your stress.

The great thing is that if you do positive and healthy things to manage stress, your children are watching that too. You can teach your children how to manage stressful times and adversity just by your example. They can learn healthy coping skills from you, like eating right, making time for family, taking a few quiet minutes each day for gratitude. Alternately they can learn unhealthy coping skills, like never resting or a six-pack a night, from you as well.

As a parent you are your child’s primary role model. So, stop for a minute, take a breath, and think about what that means.  If you can’t do stress-managing behaviors for yourself, do them for your family. What you teach your children about being healthy and managing stress can build resilience in them that will last into adulthood. Your positive example today can keep people thriving on the farm for generations to come.

Other Resources

If you’d like to learn more about helping your child with stress and stress management, here are a few resources from the American Psychological Association,  the Mayo Clinic, Penn State Extension, UGA Extension, and the  UGA Extension newsletter for preschoolers