I’m Worried About Caleb

I was talking a good friend the other day, and she started telling me about her neighbor Caleb, who grows peaches. As well all know, the Georgia peach crop is in trouble this year, due to a warm winter followed by several days of freezing temperatures.

“I’m really worried about Caleb,” she said. “He just doesn’t seem himself. I don’t want to be nosy but he seems so preoccupied and anxious—maybe it’s just normal stress, but how can I be sure it isn’t something worse?”

We’ve all had this experience—someone we care about is struggling with something difficult, and we want to help. But we don’t want to insult the person, or imply they can’t manage the situation, or….and so we don’t say anything. And our friend continues to struggle in silence.

Well, the silence needs to stop.

How Can I Tell if It’s Dangerous Stress?

How can we tell if someone is experiencing dangerous stress?   The NY Farm Net, which is part of the Cornell University College of Agriculture and Life Sciences, offers the following signs of severe stress. If you’re worried about someone—or if you are worried about your own stress levels—see if any of these signs are present.

_____   Changes in routines: Stops attending regular meetings or church, doesn’t show up at the usual hangouts, or other changes in what their usual pattern is;

_____   Decreased interest in things: Less willing to commit to activities or come to gatherings, not interested in or enjoying things that were enjoyed in the past;

_____   Decline in care of the farmstead and/or animals: No longer maintains farm buildings and grounds, not taking care of pets or livestock as well as before;

_____   Increase in farm accidents:  More farming accidents, because with stress comes fatigue and the inability to concentrate;

_____   Increase in feeling sick: Seems to always have a cold or the flu, has chronic body pain or headaches;

_____   Signs of stress in children:  Children may be acting out, showing a decline in academic performance, or be increasingly absent from school.

Things We Can Do

If you see a pattern of these signs, talk to your friend and ask how they are doing, really doing (see my post We’re All Our Brothers’ Keepers for some suggestions on caring messages.) Encourage them to talk with their doctor, their pastor, or a local counselor.  If you are worried things could be close to crisis level you can always call 988 (a national crisis lifeline) to connect with a counselor and find local resources.

If you see a pattern of these signs in yourself, follow the advice you would give your friend, and talk with a trusted friend, or your doctor or pastor, or call 988. Just like you want to help your friends, people who care about you want to help you.

To learn more ways to start a conversation check out the American Farm Bureau Federation’s Farm State of Mind site. There are conversation starter examples, and a great video on the topic too.  

Let’s keep talking and caring and break the stigma around the emotional struggles created by high stress!