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Have you ever been in a situation where someone you cared about was hurting or stressed or in a bad place, and when you offered to help they just stiffened up and said “No, I’m fine”?
It’s so frustrating when it’s clear the person could use a little support but they won’t accept it. I just want to say “We both know you’re not fine. I love you. Let me help.” Grrrr……
And you know what? Honestly, I am so guilty of this. I do this all the time—I say “I’m fine” when I’m exhausted or upset or stressed or worried, and when I could really use some support. We all do this. Why?
The surface answer is that we “don’t want to be a bother.” But, don’t you just hate it when someone says that phrase? It’s not a bother helping someone you care about. What’s hard is watching them suffer.
Truth is, deep down it’s hard to admit it when we’re struggling. Those little voices in our head say that we shouldn’t be so weak, or so needy, or that we should be able to handle whatever the problem is. But those little voices are wrong.
When someone who cares about us offers their help and we say we’re fine, what actually happens? Well, we continue to be stressed, and the other person is now hurt because we rejected their help and their love. It’s a lose/lose.
What if instead of “I’m fine” we said “Yeah, it is rough right now. Do you have a minute to talk, or to take a walk, or have coffee?” If we do that, all sorts of good things can happen. First, we do get the support we need. Second, our friend feels valued and trusted. And, finally we have shown our friend that it is ok to accept help…which means that in the future if they need support they are more likely to accept it. Win/win/win.
So next time things are rough, and a friend says “Hey are you ok? Can I help?” instead of saying “I’m fine” let’s try saying thank you and talking for just a couple of minutes. It will help, and it will help keep us all thriving.
Just as a final thought, here’s Kenny Chesney singing “Everything’s Gonna Be Alright” to lift all our spirits. Take care everyone!